Looks like I struck a nerve by threatening to write my “21 Stupid Things To Say to People in Trouble” book in my first post. Of course, this book is likely to be a best-seller, so I am going to have to write it. A friend who has two kids with special needs is collaborating with me…her contributions really add spice. You'd be amazed....We fantasized about leaving the book lying about in conspicuous places when certain people come by, dropping it on people’s porches, etc. In fact, we nearly peed ourselves swapping hurtful stories, transmuting them into something that feeds our feistiness and feelings of superiority. Hey, you wanna criticize me? I've got CANCER, remember? (God, being able to play that high horse card is doing me SOME GOOD these days!)
But, really, really, really, you need to know that the only really bad thing you can say is NOTHING. The cruelest and stupidest response we have when someone is hurting or sick is to run away, using “I didn’t know what to say…” as an excuse for cutting and running. When it comes to sheer hurt, abandonment leaves implying that the disease might be your fault (see The Secret), or that things are worse than they seem (or better than you seem to think they are) in the dust.
So, please, screw up, faux-pas and stumble away - just promise to stick with me. The number and strength of a patient’s relationships correlates with better treatment outcomes. By just being here, you may actually be saving my life. Here, at the the center of an incredible web of support, love and good-wishes that extends, literally, around the globe, I am strong.
And, if you end up in my book anyway, just know I’ll definitely change your name!
Yours, Colleen
Hi Colleen,
ReplyDeleteI work with your sister, Devra. She forwarded me the link to your blog. We have spoken about you and I have been interested in how you're doing, not only because I work with her, and that in our team, we do have a genuine interest in our team mates' family matters. The other and more important reason is that we're fighting a common enemy. I was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in Sept. 2010, had undergone bilateral mastectomy in Oct., underwent five months of chemo until April this year, and six weeks of radiation until June. Currently, my onc is in the process of looking for the appropriate anti-hormone therapy that will work for me with tolerable side effetcs.
Each person has her own reaction and response to treatment. But if the time comes that you need some techniques in dealing with chemo side effects, let me know. Maybe what I found would work for you. I was able to go to work in the middle of my chemo with the help of exercises.
I also told Devra that I believe in prayers and that I would pray for you. I had prayer warriors around the globe who carried me through during my most dificult moments, so I thought I could do the same for you, along with the other people, strangers included.
I have read every single one of your posts and I really like your writing style and your kind of humor. If you are seriously writing and selling 'the' book, I will definitely buy. I have read a lot of books since I got sick, and I have not found a book on 'stupid things to say'. I already imagine it will be hilarious. And by the way, I won't mind ending up in your book:-)
In case you have questions, or simply want to hear more about my cancer experience, I am more than happy to share them with you.
Warmest regards,
Fe
Hi Colleen, Put me down for a copy of your book. I am inspired by you reaching out in an incredibly powerful heartfelt way that connects you and helps others to understand how they can stay connected and be supportive. Let me know when I am unhelpful. I am with your all the way.
ReplyDeleteLove and Hugs Gael xoxoxo
For those of you who don't have a blog on one of the profiles like me or couldn't get into your Google account, (after writing three times and then it deleted) the only way I found was to click Anonymous. Time to get my Google account sorted out.
ReplyDeleteI really like what you say about saying nothing. It is the worst, and can be read in all the wrong ways by the person who needs support. When I do not know what to say and am feeling like a chicken-shit, I do know that the worst thing would be to cave in and not say anything, however awkward.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying your blog & thinking of you, love. Emily
You are an amazing writer. I KNOW you have the strength to overcome this. I have known you for a very long time, and have seen the kind of strength that you possess. You know im here for support, and will stick with you throughout this whole process.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Andrew