Monday, July 9, 2012
Miserable, furious and terrified...magic words
Tough news to hear a teenage friend has cancer. She is at an early stage and will do well. But it's never easy news to hear, nor an easy thing to go through. I find myself thinking of her and her family constantly.
I am feeling better today. Not great, but closer to normal, human life. Managed to eat normally, walk around and even mop the bathroom floor.
I had a fascinating experience the other night. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling really awful. Adding to the distress was my fear of what this might mean for my prognosis. I was miserable, furious and terrified. Remembering my Sedona training, I decided to just admit what I was feeling to myself. I said in my head "I am miserable, furious and terrified." and I repeated it. And repeated it. And, almost instantly, an image popped into my head that the words themselves were creating a white wall or belt inside my head, blocking out the nausea, pain and fear. I felt instantly better and fell asleep. When I woke later, I repeated the words and it worked again. Isn't the brain amazing?
I don't know why this worked and it doesn't seem to work as well when I'm fully awake. Still, it was intriguing and awesome when I needed it. More crazy stories from the front lines...
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Your brain can be your best ally - except for all of us who love you.
ReplyDeleteThere it is. Yes. For me the magic word is furious. The misery and terror come from all those backward casting shadows you talked of in a earlier post. Those shadows are just that - shadows. We taught the kids that problems are also opportunities, and, by necessicity, that what appear to us as opportunities others see as problems. I hope the kids will find purpose in life by working to realize their opportunities, and not being overwhelmed by the problems in the world that they can't solve. In our family, we know how lucky we are, and how much of life is out of our control. Our struggle is to prevent all those backwards casting shadows from getting us down. I didn't realize until you said it, but for me, fury really is the magic word. When I'm overwhelmed, and thinking about giving up, it is often fury that comes to the rescue. I lash out with words that I don't really mean, startling and angering friends and family. Then I choose from my opportunities and get back to work realizing them. Ignoring what you can't change, choosing what you can change, and working to achieve the changes you choose is a decent definition of living. Many people face tought times in life. A decent definition of bravery is living through tough times. Bravely living through tough times is harder than it sounds. I believe that a long life is often the unexpected outcome.
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