Surgery is scheduled...

Unless my ct-scan of lungs tomorrow is not good enough, I will have a left mastectomy and lymph node dissection next Wednesday the 28th at Sloan Kettering in manhattan. I am relieved to have a date, and will be glad to have it behind me. I am frightened of the general anesthesia and intubation, though I know I'm unlikely to remember waking up and panicking from a tube down my throat, I've seen someone else go through it and I hate the thought. Generally, I don't think about it much. Why worry? I just hope the recovery is easy and that I get used to living without one of my boobs quickly. Since I won't have a reconstruction, I'll have to decide how to deal with that. I assume I'll just wear a prosthesis and avoid low cut shirts, but I never did wear that damned wig, so we'll see... In the meantime, I am healing from chemo. My lungs don't hurt much now unless I exercise or have a cold. I got one this week, despite my attempts at limiting germ exposure. But all the uv exposure to make vitamin d, plus a ton of vitamin C and Niacin, and I recovered in a couple of days. I've been walking and doing Pilates. My strength is returning. My feet and fingers are still numb and tingly and my legs ache when I walk for a while, but I think it's getting better slowly. My eyelashes are about 1/16 of an inch long but are definitely there! My eyebrows are taking their time and I'm a little worried about them. My hair looks really funny...a kind of halo of gray with dark patches here and there.It feels soft like baby hair and Steve rubs it when he walks by. It's definitely uglier than bald was, but, with the weather warmer, I usually just wear it as-is. I don't actually enjoy looking odd, but I'm too lazy to bother with a hat. People smile at me a lot, and look awkward sometimes. Its kind of nice not to give a hoot. I am looking forward to getting off the prednisone and being able to go to public places and see friends. I haven't been in a store, restaurant or office in weeks! It's wierd. Tomorrow, I will get my scan then drive to a dear friends father's funeral. Some things just must be done. Steve is traveling this week, so my wonderful Dad is coming to stay. He will be happy to see how much better I am. I worked on stripping paint from the stairs for hours today, and we took a 2 mile walk at the reservoir. It was glorious out and Butters made us laugh as he dashed about and played with the other dogs. It was hard work for me, walking hard to keep my heart rate up and pushing my poor, sad lungs to wheeze at maximum and my achy legs and feet to keep going, but I felt very much alive nd determined to stay that way! Happy Spring! Colleen