Healing is for the body and the mind...

In every crappy experience, there is something to be learned. For me, the lesson is patience and the experience is recovering from surgery and chemo. I am healing well, but it sure does take time. The other thing I had to re-learn is that not all the wounds are physical. Once the surgery was behind me with no complications or problems, I expected to feel better every day. Instead, I woke up on Saturday and Sunday feeling more exhausted and lousy than before. Not only were various drugs working their ways out of my system, it finally dawned on me (maybe it was bursting into tears when I couldn't open a jar that gave me clue) that I had some emotional healing to do. All the anxiety leading up to surgery, the loss of my breast, the pain, the frustration with hospital incompetence, all of it took a piece out of me and I needed some time to grieve and to heal. It's funny but, once I knew what was going on, it got immediately easier to bear. I wasn't having a physical setback, I was just handling the emotional fallout. My psyche was drained and needed (needs) time to heal. This is still going on, but every day gets easier. As I said, my body is healing fast. I got rid of the my drains on Tuesday, 6 days after surgery. I could have gotten rid of them sooner, since the amount of liquid was below the minimum, but they weren't bothering me. And then, suddenly, they were driving me nuts. I actually think they are great technology, and pretty cool, if entirely disgusting. For anyone who hasn't had surgery, or helped a family member, the drains are catheters inside your surgical site that hang outside. The plastic bulbs at the end are compressed and exert a gentle suction that pulls blood and pus out of you. You, the lucky patient, get to empty them every morning and evening and record the amounts (so they know when to take them out.). The way I figure it, better out than in, and it meant in my case that the incision barely leaked and no bandages needed changing. Still, it's a relief not to have two orange-sized balls hanging off my left side. Back at the hospital, when we first peeked under the bandages and saw the flat area, I cried and Devra cried and hugged me. Then I had a few days to get used to that. The next step was to remove the surgical tape on my incision and get a real gander at my chest. I must tell you, no lie, it is UGLY! I mean super awful, 5 inches long with lots of little lumps and bloody yucky stuff showing between the stitches. And it's not just flat, it's concave! She took the tissue right to the bone, so there's not even any muscle there. Im going to be honest and say it grosses me out. Steve doesn't seem to mind it, he's just so delighted that it looks so healthy. The bruising is fading, as is the swelling, and it will soon be a nice, neat scar. I will get used to it. Every day, I have a set of exercises to get the range of motion back in my arm. Ouch is all I want to say about that! Yesterday and today, my wonderful Pilates instructor worked with me on the rest of my body as well as my arms. I am mainly down to ibuprofen and Tylenol for pain during the day. We just took a walk by the reservoir and I'm pretty uncomfortable from the jarring. May take some Percocet now and more at bedtime. Now, if I could just stop waking up every few hours with hot flashes..... Lol. Colleen