Merry Chemo Christmas!

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have Christmas at our house during my chemo. If I'd known how hard it was going to be,I wouldn't have done it. So I'm glad I didn't. It was actually a lot of work, and I felt terrible during all of it. Yet it was the best ever.

I worked on Friday morning and had to pick up our beef at Shop-Rite. What a zoo! I had to pee and, as I stood in line holding my heavy basket, it suddenly occurred to me that I felt pretty awful. Day 2 of chemo hasn't been all that bad, with the steroids still in your system, and I had thought was pretty safe. But this was a new drug, and they keep telling me it's cumulative and I might feel worse as it goes on. It suddenly hit me that I might be in trouble, with a dozen people scheduled to arrive expecting a nice dinner in just over 24 hours.

What has turned out to be new and special about this chemo treatment is pain! During all of Friday, christmas eve and Christmas, I was beset by aching pains in my joints. I had sudden insight into what it may be like to be 80, as I hobbled around with painful hips, knees and feet. Plus, I felt just plain lousy, fatigued and queasy, if not completely nauseous.

Yet, somehow, we all pulled off a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner. On Friday, Margaret's friends Madelyn and Judy arrived and started peeling potatoes and stayed, working hard, through dinner. With 4 teenagers and Steve doing the work and me directing from the couch, then getting up to work, burning through my short energy supply and resting again, we got everything done. We even managed to make a nice pork roast for dinner and enjoy visiting with the kids before they went off to a party. I was so aware of the joy of Christmas as we listened to pandora radio playing Christmas oldies, chopping, peeling, decorating, or just being together.

On Saturday, steve and i got up early to get the rest of the meal ready. We were better organized than we've ever been and, with more help from the kids, managed to have everything perfect when family arrived at 4. By then, I was in a lot of pain but I still enjoyed the dinner and company.

By Saturday night, I started taking Percocet and stayed on it most of Sunday. This did not make me a ball of fire and I spent most of Christmas on the couch in my jammies. But no one cared. My Dad rubbed my feet and aching knees, Margaret ran me a bath, and I basically got waited on all day. Not a terrible way to spend a holiday, surrounded by the people I love most taking care of me.

Today is Monday, and I still feel as if someone took off with my vim and vigor, but the pain is less severe. Got through the day without Percocet. The big event today was the arrival of Butters, our newly adopted poodle/jack russel shelter dog. He did manage to pee on Joseph's bed already, but we hope that's an aberration. Otherwise, he is irresistibly cute and cuddly, loves sleeping on laps and following his new people around the house, head cocked to one side as he doesn't miss a trick!

So Merry Christmas from Jersey, where the normal stress of the season seemed to pass us by, in favor of a deep sense of peace and joy. Nothing like having cancer in your midst to keep everyone focused on what's important. We have always been a happy family, but everyone agreed that this was a particularly good time. I felt more relaxed than I ever have, freed of a compulsion to keep everything running smoothly, it ran just fine without my worrying.

So, I'm grateful I didn't know how hard it would be, how truly terrible I would feel. But to quote the Grinch, "Somehow, Christmas came...it came just the same." Chemo and all...

Peace, Colleen